I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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