Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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