yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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