I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
