lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
