I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
me + whiskey = a bad person
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
