i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
