If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
