i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
