He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
