how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
