Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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