hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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