they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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