ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize