My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
