Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
