soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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