I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
