Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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