do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
