8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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