I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
