you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
