The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
