if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
