I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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