Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
