he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
