It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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