Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
