I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
