My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
