Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
