waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
