i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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