im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
