No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
