i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
