fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
