An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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