I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
