she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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