i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
