Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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