i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
