Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
