and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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