just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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