I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
