Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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