I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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