I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
