Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
