Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The convent might be a nice break from real life
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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