If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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