UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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