I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
