we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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