I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
